real life workstuff
A few examples
On going in with your own story
I always tell people: leave everyone else's story at the door. Not "she got a raise so I should too." Not "he was promoted after two years and I've been here three." Your ask has to be built on your story — what you've delivered, what you've grown, what you're worth. Comparisons weaken your position and distract you from the one argument that actually matters: yours.
Your story is the strongest case you have. Don't dilute it with someone else's.
The CEO who only criticized
He was sharp, driven, and completely unaware of how his team experienced him. He acknowledged nothing good — only what went wrong. His people were disengaged and he couldn't understand why. We worked on how he spoke to his direct reports. Not scripts. Not performance management theory. Real conversations about what recognition actually does for people and why it costs him nothing to give it. His team shifted. He shifted. The work got better.
Leadership isn't about being liked. It's about being worth following. Sometimes that means learning to say well done.
On asking — and then staying quiet
One of the most important things I coach is what happens after you ask. Most people fill the silence. They get uncomfortable, keep talking, and talk themselves into a smaller version of what they wanted.
Silence after an ask is almost always the other person thinking — not saying no. We practise sitting in it. It's uncomfortable every time. It works every time.
The ask is only half of it. The silence after is where the outcome lives.
The CEO who coached me back
I was helping him become more human and relatable as a leader. And somewhere in the middle of it he turned it around on me. He looked at how hard I worked, how much I gave, and asked me something I wasn't expecting: who looks after you? He told me to be more selfish. Not in a cold way — in a protective way. I was a bit of a doormat for my work and he saw it before I did. That conversation changed me as much as anything I gave him.
The best conversations go both ways. I'm not above being challenged. And I'm better at this work because of it.
The one who kept getting dumped on
She came to me wanting to work on her development plan. She was good at her job — maybe too good. The more she delivered, the more got piled on.
Through our conversations she found her voice, figured out what she actually wanted, and then went and asked for it. Her company paid for her schooling. She got a formal job evaluation. She stopped being the person everyone offloaded work onto — not because she worked less, but because she finally asked for what she deserved. She got it.
She didn't need me to get her the yes. She needed to believe the ask was worth making.
The one who wanted to leave
Someone comes to me and says they're done. They want out. Before we talk about what's next I always ask: have you done everything you could to create success for yourself here? Have you talked to anyone? Have you actually owned your part in it? Have you had the conversation you've been avoiding? Most people haven't. Not because they're not brave enough — because nobody ever asked them to.
Leaving is sometimes absolutely the right answer. But leaving before you've tried means you take the same patterns to the next place. Do the work first. Then decide.